As you know my New Years Resolutions are to budget my money better, become more organized, and get on track with my relationships to say the least. So far I've been doing good. I went to the store today, and I didn't go overboard and buy whatever I wanted. I spend $5 and was still satisfied with my purchases. I bought hair ouchless bands and a clip for my hair, gum, Alcohol, and some makeup wedges for my skin. The total was 5.35 and I got some good things to use on my skin and hair.

With relationships, my exes are still calling me every now and again. It's harder than you think to just avoid their calls, voicemails, and texts, but on January 6, 2008 it will be a year since I have spoken to either one of them. I'm changing my yahoo messenger to start over. A lot fo the people I talk to on yahoo are from college luv. (Not a good dating site if you ask me). They're full of lame heads who talk about sex inbetween Hello and Goodbye and there are like 3 words of convo tops. I don't want to invite people like that in my life so I'm erasing contact with them.

Organizations skills? I'm only taking a few things backw ith me to school sooo it will be less to keep organized. With the things back in the room, I will organize it and make sure it is tidy for the new Year. Everything will have a place, and I will start a daily routine to keep my room clean, so hopefully that works.

Everything is going well for me!!

Mwah,
Kristen

You know what I think is funny? You know I wanted to get away from facebook. I completely closed my facebook account. That's the site I was on 24/7 in addition to LHCF. I've been telling others I wanted a break from LHCF for awhile now...btu I jsut don't have the strength to do so. lol Even though I've been bored for the past few days on the board, I still feel the need to lurk and post a LOT on there....Maybe I should back away from the itnerent world a little bit more....I dunno if I can let go of my gurls though. I LOVE my lhcf..but it is holding me back from doing a few other things like focusing on my life right now, and continuing getting my life in order...we'll see what I plan to do...we'll see.

Happy Christmas Eve you guys!! I'm just relaxing today in my pajamas. A cake s in the oven, and I'm looking up mac n cheese recipes to figure out how to make the mac for tommrrow. I can't believe it's almost a new year. Thinking about New years Resolutions from the past, I think I'm only going to make two goals for this year. My goal is to be given the strength to "Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips." I think with this ability, a lot of my "complaints" will also be taken of. I want to be more careful with my choice of words for 2009, and become more organized mentally and physically. With these two things, I think I will be on the continued path of success.

I've already started on my organizational goal. My start a Habit in 21 days Challenge is going well. My habit was to keep my room clean, and it's been going fairly well. My room is still neat, and tidy and I feel more at ease because I know where everything is! YAY!

Well, spend time with your family today and cook a lot for me!! Merry Christmas Even hehe to all, and to all a good night.

Step 1
I said goodbye to all my deadbeat exes. It's been almost 3 weeks since I have spoken to any one of my exes, and I am proud. Let's think baby steps here. I am the same one who was still holding on to my exes in hopes that they would come back, even though they didn't respect me or my wishes. I've been trying to say goodbye to my exes for more than a year now, but I feel that now is the time to devote my time to better things. For the year of 2009 I plan to go out more to meet new people, stop focusing so much time on "find true love", and to become a more happier person. Last Year I complained that I was really bored with life, and I think the main reasons why I was bored was because I don't ever go out and I shut myself off my staying online so much. I am going to start limiting my online time to 3 hours a day...then 2 hours...then 1 hour. I spend entirely too much time on LHCF, and relooking at old threads, a lot of my time is spent complaining about how I don't like this or this about myself. I plan to stop complaining about my life and doing something to fix t for the next year. What is your goal.

Today was a good day. The air was heavy so I got dressed and headed to the mall to finish my Christmas Shopping. I got things for my AKA mentor, my two best friends, my mommy, and my beautiful niece. I had already bought things for daddy and my brother. It was the first time I had been at the mall in so long, so I was just happy to get out of the house. I'm home now, and my head still hurts. I'm kinda scared that I have a concussion from hitting my head so hard. I'm going to take a long shower and read some more and just take this time to be thankful that I have two parents that love me very much, even if I feel very alone at times. Many would love to be in my shoes, and as the verse says, "This too shall pass...."

Ephesians 5:1-7

5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
3 But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. 4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. 5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. 6 Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. 7 Therefore do not become partners with them;

I took a long walk today. I complained for the first two minutes. It's so hard for me to walk "correctly" because I have a limp when I walk. I can never walk a straight line, and my hips don't move like Beyonce when I walk down the street. I walk wrong. But....what if I couldn't walk at all? What if I woke up tommorrow and my signature limp was only a memory or a figure of my imagination...? I'm blessed I tell ya.

I remember missing half of my 7th grade year. I had to have emergency surgery on my spine. I couldn't breathe well, and my scoliosis was getting worse. They would have to paralyze my spine and straighten it to correct it from putting pressure on my lungs. They told my mother there was a chance I would be paralyzed from this surgery but the chance was slim. I went into surgery and came out about 5 hours later. The doctors were overjoyed because in my sleep they tickled the bottom of my feet and they moved and a slight smile crossed my face. I was going to be fine. However, the girl who also went into surgery with me was not. Her limbs were unresponsive, and the doctors didn't know where they went wrong. I think she regained her feelings, but imagine telling that poor little girl's parents that they weren't sure if they would ever see her run or walk again.

Today I walk. I walk because Jesus allowed me to. I walk with a limp, but I walk with love and a vow to him to change. Today I walk with my head held high for he walks right behind me, making sure everything is balanced and okay. Today I walk pure because my father in heaven is watching. Today I walk not with my head held down in self-pity and woe, because woe is not me. Wow is me. I am a walking miracle. I am beautiful, talented, and intelligent. The future for me is unknown, and the love I have to give and receive is plentiful. How is your walk?

"At other times I cover with self pity or work aimlessly through reality so.....Occasionally I choose to travel alone....but never fulfill my possibility ....so mostly I attempt to achieve balance"

I starting to love Floetry. They really had to grow on me, but their messages really come to me sometimes. I'm really feeling, "If I was a Bird" right now. It's so sensual and makes me feel so free. Sometimes I wish they I didn't have to work this hard to overcome whatever hurdles I have. I wish I could "let it rain to wash away my pain" as the song says. There are so many obstacles that we face as humans. We all are rpesented with our personal challenge, and the rules to overcome them are often unclear and not present at all. My biggest challenge is overcoming my low self esteem. It's a love hate relationship. I'm the type that can walk into a room, and after an hour everyone will know who I am. I'm a people person. I'm funny, charismatic, and present so much vitality to the equation. Even though I appear so wrong on the outside, on the inside my building blocks are crumbled and worn. I'm a very sensitive person, so over the years the taunting and yelling and emotional abuse broke down those once strong bricks. Day by day I try to rebuild the foundation though...and hopefully one day that foundation will be the key to a strong and better me.

And now he calls....



It is now 7:26 and the phone rings

Once, twice, three

He's hoping I'd answer the phone

For him to say, "Will you forgive me"

I promise to be a good boy

I promise to do this

If you just let me back this time

I'll grant every wish

He voice begins to tremble

He voice turns calm and meek...

You wish i would be there for you more,

Okay I won't say this is my final challenge, but this is one that I am going to work harrrd to continue its longevity. It will be a short challenge, 30 days long.

Financial
-Get back on track
-Prioritize
-Start back working on my savings
-By the time I go back to school, have $300 in my account

Personal
-Stop cursing
-Pray everyday
-Get more involved in church
-Socialize more
-Refrain from complaining outloud

Physical
-Clear up skin
-Grow hair to APL
-Work on becoming "That Girl"

Organizational
-Stay on top of things
-Cease procrastination
-Keep room clean

I'll update at the end of today MWAH

It's so much baggage that we all carry on our shoulders, that don't allow us to appreciate the blessing that are trying to find its way in our life.

Yeah she killed my Barbie when I was 7......let it go
I used to always feel inferior because of how she used to treat me.....let it go
He broke my heart, and I'll never love again.....let it go
I am a complete failure.....let it go

Lemme share with you a poem that I once read.

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for, but to care about.
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less and love more
Remember: The time to love is short

So the 30 Days of Personal Growth has postively started. I wrote down a routine of what I hope to accomplish in the course of this month, and I plan to stick to it. most of it revolves around finding what I like to do. I realize that I was truly happy when music was surrounding me. Either choir, band, or piano filled my room at night, and I was constantly composing, playing, and studying music. Maybe that is what is missing in my life. I'm contemplating taking piano classes during the spring maybe just to get back into the swing of things. Or at least, I will try to catch up on a few pieces over the breaks. My quest to disassociate myself with my ex has been going well. I'm happy that I'm soon going on my holiday break. I will be able to then stop focusing my time so much on him and hopefully make some new friends. Well I'm off to pack!! Luv ya! MWAH!!