The Girl Who Cried...Where is She Now?

My nickname used to be KrazynKute. I've had it all of my technology based life haha. After awhile, things got old, and I changed my name to SimplyKomplex (or SimpleKomplexity)

If you look back on your life, you tend to notice many things that you never realized along the path. I know I can say that. When I look back I often think of rain and thunderstorms, but I rarely remember the rainbow that immediately follows. Funny huh?

2 Years ago....2007. 19 years old , in college, and loving it, I was in the midst of starting new parts of my life, and ending many others.

Love Life- I had just broken up with my boyfriend. My first one at that. He cheated on me with his fiance...and then cheated on both of us with a girl on campus. In the love traingle..(or rectangle) I could never see the clear points. Only curved corners. I continued to blame myself. I wished he would come back. I had it embedded in my mind that I deserved his mistreating, and despite his flaws I could change him and we could be together forever. He would be the only one, therefore I had to make the best of it.

Almost 2 years later, I look back and laugh at the times we had. What's changed? No longer do I look at my recollections with tear-drizzled sunglasses on. I see it all. I see his flaws (as well as my own) and his perfections. I have come to realize that no one deserves to be mistreated regardless of color, beauty, intellect, disability, and etc. But the person mistreated does deserve to stick up for themself and know when it's time to leave.

Happiness- A million posts have been made about the tears I have cried alone in my room. Surrounded by so many people, I always felt alone. Although, I'm not fully there, now I have realized that it is not "You against the world." It's not the pretty vs the ugly. Life is not a story of Beauty and the Beast. Disability factors should be thrown out the window because a disability is a state of mind. With all the unecessary factors thrown out, the most important one is more evident. Yourself. Sounds selfish but Me, Me, Me is the key to my happiness. Nothing more nothing less.

Words on disability- I wrote as a freshman that "I would never change the fact that I have a disability [it has helped me see the world from many perspectives and dimensions that others will never see]. Rejoicefully....that has not changed although it has yo yoed a lot throughout the past 2 years. I have come to a point of my life that I am who I am and no one can take that away from me. I walk with a limp, slowly at that, posture surgically perfect, but despite all of this, when I enter the room my head is always high and my presence is always known. And everyone has that ability. Disability or not.

Comfort- I can say I'm comfortable now. Maybe I should change my name to "Comforter" for REAL now...for other reasons. It took a long time....but I realize that materialistic things don't make me. Surprisingly I already knew that. I remember I used to walk into stores and everytime I tried on clothes I asked myself, "Does this help me look normal?" I wanted to fit in. Really high heels, makeup, and thousands of dollars later lol, I finally realized WHO THE HECK WANTS TO BE NORMAL ANYWAY?

I can walk into a place...and not wonder if everyone is watching me. (Who cares if they are?) I can treat myself (alone) to a good book, manicure, meal, movie, or etc (and not say say it's "stupid or boring") (This is a work in progress too though lool) And it's all about being comfortable with yourself. You are who you are. I no longer want to "reinvent" myself because....then...I wouldn't be...myself. And I for a fact no she's one of the most beautiful people on the inside (and a lot of the times on the out too haha) [conceited moment]

This blog could continue and continue. Just remember the most important thing. 2 years changes a lot. Life is all about change, and if you can look back and notice you haven't changed at all...you're doing something wrong. Hopefully that change is for the good.

Flaws are still evident within myself. I admit, sometimes I look at my posts and cringe lol. But, I try to no longer give them attention...I focus on the positive and some kind of the way...I guess the flaws get lonely and fade into the background. But anyway....


KrazynKute...Where is she now? She is still right here...just Simply more Komplex. The same song, but a different tune and new rules to the game.