I asked my dad to hold my nephew for a minute while I fix the babe some food. How about when I come back my dad is holdin this child to the china cabinet whisperin, "When you get a lil bit bigger, I'll teach you everything. Like how to open these cabinets. Your grandma think we all stupid. Everybody know she keep candy and sprite in there. And if you share with me, I'll teach you ALL THE HIDING SPOTS OF THE HOUSE!! There's a whole bunch of sh*t....I mean stuff in this house for you to find!

....I just died and went to laughter heaven

I am krazy about this boy.  He is sooo sweet. I just look @ him from afar now, but his personality is so on point. He's not my typical type, but he always keeps me smilin.  I found out both of his parents are disabled.  He touched me when he said his dad was his hero, because he never let having a disability get him down.  He's real chill with me, and he picks up on my vibes, but nevertheless he holds back from me. I really wish he wouldn't.  

My mama said life would be so hard
Growin up days as a black girl scarred
In so many ways though we've come so far
They just know the name they don't know the pain
So please hold your heads up high
Don't be ashamed of yourself know I
Will carry it forth til the day I die
They just know the name they don't know the pain black girl

The ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Mission: 
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria: 
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part). 

Why 1001 Days? 
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organizing and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:
1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it. 

2. Stay Focused. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.

3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.

4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.

5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your mind

The list:
January 1, 2008 
: personal :: ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

1. Create My List and Stick to It
2. Make all A's for one semester/Make Dean's List
3. Spend less than $100 for one month
4. Keep my dorm room clean for 3 consecutive weeks
5. Wake up everyday for a month at 6 am
6. Drink nothing but water (6 cups) for 2 consecutive weeks
7. Take better care of my hair/Gain BSL
8. Take two semesters of a foreign language
9. Exercise 2 times a week for 3 weeks
10. Say goodbye to friends/associates who don't care for me or treat me wrongly
11. Travel to another state in the United States
12. Convince at least 2 other friends to create their own list.
13. Set out my clothing for the following week for one month
14. Speak with correct English grammar for 2 weeks
15. Get 100 photos developed
16. Put $1 dollar in a jar each day and spend it after March 1, 2008
17. Develop my time management skills more
18. Earn (not win) a prestigious leadership position
19. Write a goodbye letter to Chris and mean it
20. Take pictures of my campus, myself, and friends and put it in a scrapbook or photo album
21. Buy NO new clothes for a month
22. Host a party
23.  Find a Church that I like
24. Buy a car and drive it
25. Keep a diary updated for one month
26. Learn a new word every week
27. Compliment another person sincerely once a day for a week
28. Compile a book of recipes
29. Give closest friends space, devote more time for Kristen
30. Learn how to walk in Heels
31. Read one book a month.
32. Lose ten pounds
33. learn to accept a compliment graciously
34. Memorize 15 spiritual scriptures
35. Wear a different pair of shoes and purses to school, everyday for at least 2weeks.
36. Go somewhere by plane
37. Eat at a 5 star restaurant
38. Read passages from the Bible and Meditate each night for one week
39. Go one day totally internet free.
40. Pay off credit card bill and close it
41. Learn to swim
42. Visit Howard University
43. Tell people how I honestly feel for 2 weeks.
44. Sit in the front of all of my classes
45. Memorize 10 poems (0/10)
46. Compose a book of my poetry and publish one of them
47. Buy a quality makeup set
48. Go horseback riding.
49. Organize my closet and keep it this way for at least 2 weeks
50. Tell each of my Residents why I love them living on my hall
51. Join a social group for women :) (It was Alpha Kappa Alpha duhh)
52. Design a Nike shoe and buy it
53. Successfully complete the MCAT
54. Clean and redecorate my room at the house
55. Learn a full sonata on the piano
56. Go one week without spending any money at all
57. Enter a singing competition and win
58. Get and successfully keep a boyfriend for 2 months
59. Fast for 2 weeks
60. Get a chemical peel for my face/ tame my acne and scarring
61. Write reasons why I love myself for 2 weeks
62. Walk 2 miles
63. have professional portraits taken

:: For my Family::

1. Write my mother a letter and tell her what I really think about her
2. Tell my father that I love him and the reasons why
3. Write a poem and send it to my brother
4. Spend more time with my cousins
5. Take a family trip with at least one family member
6. Keep in touch with my niece at least once a week for a month
7. Talk to my grandmother twice a week for one month
8. Cook dinner for my family
9. Help my mother organize the house
10. Spend more time with Jamison and Dee
11. Talk to Jameikia more
12. Do something nice for my grandmother
13. Take my mother out for lunch
14. Create a family photo album
15. Pay a bill for my mother
16. Drive my father somewhere
17. Be a cook for a holiday family dinner.
18. Spend a day with my brother
19. Do something nice for my brother

:: For my Professional Growth & Finances ::

1. Buy $500 worth of Savings Bonds
2. Save $5000 and have it in a high interest account
3. Have an emergency account with $1000 in it
4. Enroll in Med School
5. Volunteer/Work at a hospital
6. Become a Business Minor
7. Have my resume professionally done.
8. Learn a little French
9. Buy my first car
10. Be on top of work assignments and finish things before they are done
11. Keep an accurate record of all my spending for 3 months
12. Pay off my car in 3 years

:: For Others ::

1. Give a sincere compliment/accolade to a different person for an entire month.
2. Volunteer for 2 days
3. Donate all the clothing and shoes that I no longer need to charity.
4. Donate $1 for each Goal on this list unaccomplished.
5. Tell a school worker in a letter how great they are.

100 Make a care package to send toWWW.ANYSOLDIER.COM 
101.Anonymously do something for someone else that will have a positive impact on their life

I still don't know what the culprit of my complete sadness is lately. I was going through my posts on this blog, and it just seems like I've been down ever since the big altercation with my parents.  I take things to heart; I'm extremely sensitive. So maybe that's the reason on top of other things why I feel so out of it and out of control lately.  Just pray for me.  I'm praying for myself.  Psalms Chapter 25 has really helped me through this time in my life.  

I broke All of the Rules today.

I've been really down. I hate Valentine's Day. It always leaves me depressed because I see myself alone forever. I know it's possible, and it really scares me. It just seems how the cards are being played....I'm not Lady Luck tonight...or tomorrow....

All my friends are in long term relationships or have SOMEONE to spend VDAY with. I'm the only one here at the school so I spent time with my friend guy (that I hate because I think he's borderline Mentally Retarted). He kept doing stupid ish..... The whole time on our date all I could think about is my ex. I really miss him. 

My date asked me what's the weirdest food I'd ever eaten.... I said ostrich. I almost cried because on my first and last Valentine's Day my boyfriend cooked me ostrich and duck and some other sentimental stuff. He's a chef. I tried to shake it off. I asked my date to reply to his own question. He said the weirdest thing he has ever eaten was a leaf.  I said....yeah you were like in Kindergarten right? He was like nawww I did that a few years ago. Someone paid me to do it, but it got caught in my throat and everyone laughed at me . So all I'm thinking about is that I'm with the retard because not one guy talks to me on even a friend level like that unless he wants to have relations....while my heart is somewhere else.

My ex... he was my only relationship really. ...so being the dumb blond I am...I txted him and told him that I miss him. He told me he misses me too and I should sneak out to have sex with him.........I didn't. He cares nothing about me. Just my body. I stood my ground and he backed off, but claim I only txt him to torture him because I know he wants to have sex with me but I won't let him do it. I continued to complain about my Valentine, and we laughed it off. 

The next day me and ole dude went to Walmart. Guess who I see? My ex. With the girl he claimed that he didn't cheat on me with. Holding hands and looking wonderful. She couldn't even look me in the eyes. She goes to school here, and she knew me and my guy were dating when he cheated. He came up to me and hugged me close and we spoke for a few minutes. I couldn't even breathe. Something about seeing him with her, and realizing it will NEVER be me again......I thought I was going to faint in the store.

Ole Retard Mr. Valentine started something about shooting bazookas at the guy after I told him it was my ex. Made gun noises and everything in the middle of Walmart. I didn't even care just as long as I could get outta there. I called me friend sobbing....but I grabbed my composure cuz I really don't want to ruin anyone elses day because of my usual feelings. Sooo I dropped ole dude off....went to see my best friend...

Saw a kute guy. In attempts to make me feel better, she says I should say hey to this kute dude we see at the apartment complex. What do I have to lose? He politely speaks. I get out of my car and talk to him.....he asks me for my friends number instead. *sigh* Happy Valentine's Day to me.

Another guy to her list and zero to mine. Well....I left cuz she had to get ready for her date. She's now out on the town...so I'm back home.....

I give up. It's not that right thing to think, but I don't think I'm good enough. Right now I don't feel pretty enough, confident enough, apparently able bodied enough, or just enough. I felt so bad. I stood in the mirror and just wished I could be on that Swan show or whatever. Change my whole outer appearance. Gain a few inches. Maybe then I would get noticed.... . When I was younger my mother always asked me to wait on dating until I was of age. Now I am of age and still no one would even give me a chance with a ten foot pole. *sigh* I wish people would see the person I see in the mirror.....on my good days.

Oh and congrats to my bff. She's engaged!!