The only one I can control is myself. I cannot change the thoughts, actions, and motives of others. I was a little down last night. I kept thinking why am I treated the way I am? Why am I treated with very little respect? At home, I'm still treated like a child.

My grandmother was at the house last week. She gave me $50 for Christmas. (She gives all the older kid/young adults $100 and the younger family members/children $50) Okay cool. She keeps pestering me to be sure and put my money up "so I don't lose it." She asks me repeatedly, "Should she give it to my mother to keep up for me." I'm grown...sigh. My mother later steps in and says, Kristen budgets her money very well. In fact, she paid her car note last month. I curtly looked up at her and just walked away. I pay ALL my car notes. I even put a BIG down payment on MY car. I'm talking thousands of dollars that I busted my butt all year by working TWO jobs to acquire. The only reason why my mother is a cosigner on my car is because her credit is impeccable, and I've only had credit for about 2-3 years.

My brother asked me what I was doing before I was going back to school. Any special guy? My dad replies, Who would date her? He's joking, but it's oh so real to me. He said that about prom. I cried all night after prom because I never did find a date. I even tried to pay a guy to go to prom with me, they happily declined. No one wanted to be this chick's date.

It seems like everywhere I go, I'm treated like a child. It really burns me up on the inside. I pay my own bills, I paid for me to go to school (through scholarships), My mom has not had to pay a dime because of my scholarships. But she brags constantly about having to buy me books (with money that I earned already through past scholarships)for school yada yada..and paying tutition...and how tuition is going up. She hasn't seen a bill from school in years. Prolly from her own college days.

I can't control how others treat me, but I can change how I see the world, and how I treat people. I will be 21 in 12 days. Age says nothing about "being grown", but I have considered myself to be such for a while now. To be perceived better, I will do better. I will be cautious on what I say around others. I will joke when appropriate, tkae care of things that need attention, and focus to strive for less procrastination. Hopefully next year around this same time, I won't be singing the same songof not being heard, respected, or treated as an adult. But..it all starts with me.

Step 1
I said goodbye to all my deadbeat exes. It's been almost 3 weeks since I have spoken to any one of my exes, and I am proud. Let's think baby steps here. I am the same one who was still holding on to my exes in hopes that they would come back, even though they didn't respect me or my wishes. I've been trying to say goodbye to my exes for more than a year now, but I feel that now is the time to devote my time to better things. For the year of 2009 I plan to go out more to meet new people, stop focusing so much time on "find true love", and to become a more happier person. Last Year I complained that I was really bored with life, and I think the main reasons why I was bored was because I don't ever go out and I shut myself off my staying online so much. I am going to start limiting my online time to 3 hours a day...then 2 hours...then 1 hour. I spend entirely too much time on LHCF, and relooking at old threads, a lot of my time is spent complaining about how I don't like this or this about myself. I plan to stop complaining about my life and doing something to fix t for the next year. What is your goal.