The Same Song

The only one I can control is myself. I cannot change the thoughts, actions, and motives of others. I was a little down last night. I kept thinking why am I treated the way I am? Why am I treated with very little respect? At home, I'm still treated like a child.

My grandmother was at the house last week. She gave me $50 for Christmas. (She gives all the older kid/young adults $100 and the younger family members/children $50) Okay cool. She keeps pestering me to be sure and put my money up "so I don't lose it." She asks me repeatedly, "Should she give it to my mother to keep up for me." I'm grown...sigh. My mother later steps in and says, Kristen budgets her money very well. In fact, she paid her car note last month. I curtly looked up at her and just walked away. I pay ALL my car notes. I even put a BIG down payment on MY car. I'm talking thousands of dollars that I busted my butt all year by working TWO jobs to acquire. The only reason why my mother is a cosigner on my car is because her credit is impeccable, and I've only had credit for about 2-3 years.

My brother asked me what I was doing before I was going back to school. Any special guy? My dad replies, Who would date her? He's joking, but it's oh so real to me. He said that about prom. I cried all night after prom because I never did find a date. I even tried to pay a guy to go to prom with me, they happily declined. No one wanted to be this chick's date.

It seems like everywhere I go, I'm treated like a child. It really burns me up on the inside. I pay my own bills, I paid for me to go to school (through scholarships), My mom has not had to pay a dime because of my scholarships. But she brags constantly about having to buy me books (with money that I earned already through past scholarships)for school yada yada..and paying tutition...and how tuition is going up. She hasn't seen a bill from school in years. Prolly from her own college days.

I can't control how others treat me, but I can change how I see the world, and how I treat people. I will be 21 in 12 days. Age says nothing about "being grown", but I have considered myself to be such for a while now. To be perceived better, I will do better. I will be cautious on what I say around others. I will joke when appropriate, tkae care of things that need attention, and focus to strive for less procrastination. Hopefully next year around this same time, I won't be singing the same songof not being heard, respected, or treated as an adult. But..it all starts with me.