I don't know how to shake this but I'm kinda down.
My parents barely speak to me. Ever since the whole sex thing, we just don't get along anymore. And when people are constantly telling you it's something wrong with you, you start thinking it to. My mom is calling me bipolar, depressed, krazy, a whore, you name it. My dad just shakes his head, and I'm stuck in the middle. It's like screaming and never being heard. The only thing I did wrong, was to disrespect my parents and talk back to them. I feel like somebody's little girl. I feel like they let me go to college, but I'm still stuck @ 17. I also feel like they just WANT something to go wrong with me in college such as me make bad grades, get preggy, STD, etc so they can say I TOLD YOU SO...You're not mature or whatever. I just feel so distant from them.
I'm also going through some personal struggles. I just feel like...I'mc hanging so fast before my very eyes, and I don't have any control over it. They are good changes, but it's just going too fast for me. It's like I don't know this person anymore.
Pity party tonight also for my exes. I miss them so bad. I just miss being acknowledged. I miss being smiled at, hugged, flirted with, appreciated by the opposite sex. I miss being cuddled. I miss talking on the phone. I miss saying, Hey baby how was your day. I can't stand being an alien, but I don't want to go back to my old ways. I dunno. I guess I'm just resentful. My exes are still out there being hos, playing the field, having fun, and etc. I'm still here crying over them, alone, with no one to replace them with. I just am tired of being alone.
Celibacy....I'm glad I began this journey. But it sucks at times.... 3 months going strong though...I think 3 months. I'm just losing count now
-Simple
1 comments:
Hey. I saw your reply to my comment in your other post. No problem. :)
...I know what it's like to be misunderstood and taken advantage of by loved ones. I've still loved them in spite of their shortcomings because I have my own, especially when looking from a Christian perspective. Nevertheless, I know how much it hurts and how one can get confused about themselves. I also know that the storm doesn't last forever. It doesn't mean that it will never come back. But, the fact is that these are just natural fluctuations between good and bad times that all build character and purpose in one's life. And, I see you going through the same thing. So, I've just wanted to reach out to encourage you. :)
Right after reading your current post, I went to grab my Bible. When I opened it, I landed on Psalm 69. I know that one should generally search the Bible with more intent. But, when I happened to read that Scripture, it seemed very appropriate for your situation...so do Psalm 3, Psalm 57the Book of Job.
Also, these verses have been of help to me:
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you", 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
...because:
"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose", Romans 8:28
...e.g., God takes all of our situations and molds them into good even when we've been hurt and feel lost...
"For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And, you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the LORD, and I will bring you back from your captivity..., Jeremiah 29:11-14
...we are stronger than we or others may think because...
"I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me"., Philippians 4:13
I've gone through so much mess in my life that's caused me suffering. But, when I look back in retrospect (and as things occur now since I now realize what's going on Scripturally), all of my experiences, especially the painful ones, have opened POSITIVE DOORS for me in thinking, relationship building, my career, and education, etc. Seriously, no lie. And, I know they will continue to do so. Plus, your experiences will do the same for you. :)
p.s. I don't want you to think I'm all 'extra old' or anything. I just turned 30. Well, that might seem old to you since you just turned 21-lol. But, the point is that this isn't stuff that's far beyond your years or irrelevant to where you are in life now.
Oh, and congrats on the celibacy! That's NOT a little accomplishment! Man, those dudes who misused you suck. (...alright...that's not nice of me...WHAT they DID sucks; they're growing too). The more you're patient and let God guide you in waiting, the more likely that MORE of a prince of a guy will see and appreciate the beauty in you then want you alone for his own. Let God guide on the whats, whens, wheres and whos. You don't have to understand the whys (e.g., "...lean not on your own understanding...") and you'll be just fine.
Peace. :) ...and try to find something to laugh at this week in your daily life! Take care of that 'star player'. :)
By the way, I feel like I have to say that 'Just' is part of my email username as opposed to being part of my first name in case I ever do get around to officially signing up for LHCF (e.g., I don't know how much is in the profiles there since I can't see them with my guest status). Since the Internet didn't get popular/more accessible until I was in my Freshman year in college (mid/late 90s), I'm among those who are more chicken about using their name in public forums-lol.
Anyway, I have faith that everything will work out for you.
Take care.
*looks at the time...after 4 a.m.! ...that's what I get for falling asleep early last night...I need to make myself go back to sleep before my sleep schedule gets out of wack so I won't be face down drooling in my classwork instead of finishing it!*
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