Soo....I decided to stop praying to God to help me find a man. I think he is doing this on purpose in order for me to get closer to him.  First I stopped talking to all my guy friends, because we had no conversation unless it was about sex, or the possibility of me one day having sex with them. Then, I checked myself and got the revelation that I was hiding behind sex in my relationships with men.  I wanted them to like me, so early int he game I would bring up sex.  Then I got into it with my parents, and realized their opinions will never change, but what I can change is my attitude.  Just because people say something I don't agree with, I don't have to curse them out and act uncivil.  If I am mature and "grown", I should be able to act as such and talk to them as adults.  Then my birthday didn't come as planned.  I didn't do anything, get any presents, cards, balloons, drinks, etc on my big 2-1.  I learned that it is not about materialistic things, but rather about those who care for you.  I think I am going to take myself out this weekend.  My friend asked me did I want to do anything for my bday so we might do something.  If we do...we do... If we don't that's fine too. I'm still going to do me, play dress up, take myself out to eat, but myself some chocolate cake and sunflowers, and relax with some margarita mix in my rm... 2009 is all about being independent babe.